If you are trying to work from home, become a home-school teacher or just trying to stay connected with friends and family, chances are you are now stepping more fully into the world of video calling. I have long desired to make video calls more of the norm rather than the simple voice call, however, up to recently, it hasn’t been as mainstream and I didn’t want to be that weird guy who gets too up close in people’s business.
My wife and I have slowly started using video calling more regularly but only out of some practical value; I’m at the grocery store and can’t figure out which type of lettuce to get (answer: “Not that one, Ryan. That’s cabbage”). But at times, my wife would say she hated video calls. Why? “I don’t like looking at myself when I’m talking to you” she said. That’s too bad, because I really like looking at her (Is she reading? No? Ah, well, fallen trees in the woods).
It is inevitable that when I’m in a video conference there is always that “guy” who has the camera pointed at the ceiling with only his left eye and forehead in the shot. Or the camera is at such a low angle, you never really noticed how prominent their double chin was before. (I don’t care who you are, nobody looks good at a straight shot up the nose). Or the backlight from the window is so intense that all you see is the person’s silhouette as if they deliberately set the shot up to protect their anonymity and you expect to hear distortion on their voice when they speak about how they have a hidden life of collecting teeth in bottles.
I most often chalk it up to their obliviousness; they just don’t care much and forget the camera is looking at them. But, sometimes, I wonder if there is more. It isn’t anything new, I suppose. Some people have aversions to mirrors (not just grandmothers and vampires). Couple that with the fact that this “mirror” shows everyone else on the call what you look like. There are always those who hate having their pictures taken. I want to shake them and say, “We all have been in the room together for the last 30 minutes and we know what you look like. Having your picture taken won’t change that.” But they persist and sabotage the photo anyway, as if they are some celebrity being chased by the paparazzi.
The video calling brings to the surface the underlying fear of being known. Ever since Adam and Eve tasted of the fruit, it went downhill from there. They couldn’t be sure that each other would like what they saw, since each of them could decide for themselves what good and evil were so “they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths (Genesis 3:7b, ESV).”
Some people are comfortable with being seen but that doesn’t always translate to being known. Some people are good at being seen. They have really white teeth, pretty eyes and can always find something to say; enough to distract you, perhaps, from really knowing them. Being seen is a cheap substitute for being known. We figure this out quickly as children.
I’m not suggesting that video calling a person allows you to really know a person, but it bypasses a regular layer we have grown accustomed to with a regular call or text. The contrast can be as shocking to some people as getting splashed with cold water.
We all deeply desire to be loved, but to really be loved, we must be known. Otherwise, what is there to love but a facade; a false representation of who we want people to see. If people love the image we’ve created of ourselves, that might make us feel good for a moment, but really we wonder if people would really love us if they could really know the real us. Along with that desire comes the risk of being known and rejected. Hence, the fig leaves are sewn and the camera is avoided.
For Christians, we are assured that God knows everything about us. He knows the number of hairs on our head. He knows when we lie down and when we awake. He knows what we are going to say even before we say it (Psalm 139). There is no question that he knows us. The remarkable thing is that he loves us still! Even when we show our double chin or our nose hairs at unflattering angles, he loves us as no one else does or can.
So whenever you begin to get that nagging fear of being seen, ask yourself if it is just because you didn’t get a chance to comb your hair, or is it the fear of being known. Then, remember the truth that no matter what mere mortals think, you have the creator who not only knows you but loves you.