I heard about a man named Monty Roberts who earned the nickname, “the Horse whisperer.” He developed a new way of working with horses that wasn’t cruel or time intensive. The traditional way of breaking a horse was to tie a horses leg to a post and find things to frighten the horse into submission after a long time. Monty, however, learned that he could take a young horse that had never been saddled or ridden and through a process of “invitation” and “challenge” he would build trust with them in about 30 minutes.
How did he do this? He goes inside of a round pen alone with a horse. At first he would use his long rope to challenge the horse and make it flee from him. He’d make noises and flick the rope at the horse and the horse would run away from him, albeit in circles. After a while, however, he would be more welcoming and inviting. This convelesces into the point where he turns his back to the horse and slowly begins walking away. The horse will, however, join up with him by following him closely, accepting the invitation that Monty gives him through his non-confrontational manor. This process is repeated a few times. Monty is able to put on a saddle but then that sometimes bothers the horse so they get upset and start bucking so Monty will challenge the horse again with his rope. The horse runs away in circles until Monty finally invites the horse to be his friend again through his body language. Finally, he is able to finish saddling the horse and put a new rider on; all within 30 minutes.
The process is fascinating. The curious person can youtube Monty Roberts or can click here to watch one example.
I heard about this, not because I read up on horses, but through a missional living conference. This process of “invitation” and “challenge” is often what we see in Jesus. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).” In this passage and many others, we can see Jesus inviting us into a trusted relationship with Him.
Yet, this is not all Jesus does. He also challenges us. “And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple (Luke 14:27).” “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me (Matthew 10:37).”
Why can’t Jesus be all invitation, however? This is often what we hear in popular culture. “God accepts and approves of ALL people.” While it is true that God loves all people, I God clearly places conditions on us if we are to have a relationship with Him.
Anyone who has children is usually surprised at the transformation their own parents take when they get to be with the grandchildren. The stereotype is that the grandparents spoil the grandchildren is often well founded. In my case, I have memories of my father commanding sternly, “Do not eat that candy. I’m still paying for those teeth.” But now, my dad (called “papaw”) is the “candy man.” The 9 grandchildren will all gather around him as he brings out something like a tackle box of various brands and flavors of candy and he deals them out to the kids.
My dad would be the first to tell you that this constant invitation to the grandkids was not his style with raising us children. He knows that the parents will deal with the “challenge” part of raising the grandkids. If he had acted like that while parenting, no one would discipline and actually grow into a responsible adult. Sure, we would like the parent who gave us anything we wanted at any time, but we would be absolutely rotten people.
The goal, likewise of Jesus, was not to get all humans to like him but to balance this invitation and challenge. We absolutely need challenge, as humans. We have deep roots of sin in our life that must be acknowledged and then dealt with. But if it was all challenge and discipline, we would never approach Him. Like a paranoid horse, we would flee and buck against any of the slightest sounds or movements. On the other hand, we need the kindness and grace of Jesus, who was willing to not just point out our faults but to forgive us of them and walk with us as we learn to live a new way.
I must remember this when dealing with others. There will be times where I must be challenging and bring out the hard words in scripture and truth heavy with following a the rules. Then there are times where I must be ever so inviting to help students know that the church can be a safe place to belong and discover the answers to life’s biggest questions. I am so thankful for Jesus who not only knew what was good for us, but knew a gentle way to lead us into that with Him.
-Ryan