The Qualities of Spirit Filling in Ephesians
When the Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus, he told them, “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery [meaning lack of control], but be filled with the Holy Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). The call to be filled with the Spirit focuses on self-control in four areas.
- Communicating with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
- Singing in personal prayer
- Giving thanks in daily living
- Submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:18, 21).
Each of these descriptions of Christian behavior lead directly or indirectly to interpersonal relationships. When we live out our Christianity, we do so in the context of the church.
Contrary to what some believe, the solo Christian life does not exist. If a person genuinely belongs to Christ, he or she recognizes the importance of the local church. Obedience in the New Testament is always defined in terms of the believers’ relationship with other believers, and it always keeps the welfare of our brothers and sisters in the local church in mind.
In this blog, I want to focus on the last command, “submitting to each other out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21).
The Meaning of “One Another” in Submission
In the bullet points above, the first three focus on verbal activities—communicating, singing, and giving thanks. These find ultimate fulfillment in the church as a whole.
The emphasis in the last point, “submitting to one another,” moves from the church to the domestic sphere. We know this because Paul defines four distinct areas in which mutual submission is to take place. These are:
- “Wives relationships to their own husbands, as well as husbands’ relationships to their wives, (Ephesians 5:22--33)
- “Children’s relationships to their parents and fathers’ relationships to their children, (Ephesians 6:1)
- “Slaves’ relationships with their earthly masters, as well as masters’ responsibilities to treat their slaves with dignity, (Ephesians 6:5)
Under Greco-Roman culture, these three areas—wives and husbands, children and fathers, and slaves and masters—traditionally were top-down entities. The husband/father/slave owner carried absolute authority over his family and possessions. These were areas where men ruled without restraint.
A Radical New Understanding of Family
In domestic relations, Paul calls for a deliberate break from the cultural status quo. Men no longer are to rule abusively. They are to govern with honor.
When Paul describes the terms of submission in the three areas, he does not intend to erase traditional role definitions. Wives remain wives with unique roles and needs, and husbands are still husbands with unique responsibilities. The same is true with children and fathers. And while household slavery is no longer a legal option in our nation, his instructions to slaves and masters apply to labor and management in the work force.
Mutual submission accomplished two important tasks. First, it guarded against unrestrained power by the dominant party. The Christian husband recognizes that he does not rule as king over his household. As a servant of Christ, he is called to love and guide his family as Christ loves and guides his church.
Second, it enabled those who otherwise lived in danger of abuse—wives, children, and slaves—to have a voice in the relationship. When the dominant parties recognize the limitations in their power, the subordinate parties can live in peace. This is especially clear in the case of husbands and wives.
The Order of the Commands
In each case, Paul speaks to the subordinate party first—wives, children, and slaves. The command to each group is basic. On the other hand, his instructions to the responsible parties—husbands, fathers, and masters—is much more detailed because of the dominant parties’ responsibility before God.
The Meaning of “Submission” for Husbands and Wives
In marriages, the wife was never called to passive submission. She was never called to take abuse. To the contrary, Paul’s assumption is that her recognition of her husband’s authority takes place in a loving relationship. Her submission dovetails with her husband’s service to her.
The husband’s duty to submit never demands that he give up his responsibility to be the primary authority in his marriage. Instead, it calls him to love his wife sacrificially, “as Christ loved the church” (Ephesians 5:25). Like Christ, he is to sacrifice his personal interests for his wife’s sake and treasure her as the unique and precious being that she is. He is responsible to sanctify his wife in a way that preserved her “in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she may be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:25 ESV).
The Bottom Line
The husband is called to lead, but he never assumes that he is his wife’s boss. He is called to give his life in sacrificial service to his wife.
Therefore, when the passage calls for the wife to respect her husband, it assumes the husband has taken the initiative to love her first. The wife’s submission to her husband cannot be understood outside of his sacrificial love. Submission for the husband means that guards his wife and gives her voice in their relationship.
Doug Knox