It’s that time again….”Back to School.” If the kids in your life have not started the new school year yet, they will very soon. The start of the new school year can bring excitement and anticipation, but it can also bring a considerable amount of stress and anxiety for some, both parents and students alike. Mixed emotions and new situations can leave us….and especially our kids….feeling overwhelmed.
To be honest, I feel a bit unqualified to be writing about this. After all, my kids are teenagers now. We’ve been through the whole back to school thing for many years. And yet. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. There are issues and it is hard. So how do we help our kids through it?
I think we all know it, but it’s good to be reminded….pray, pray….and then pray some more! Pray FOR your children and WITH your children. We have gotten in the habit of praying with each of our kids while they are waiting for the bus to come in the morning. For the last couple of years, each of them has been picked up at a different time so this has allowed us to have one on one time together praying about their day. I really think it helps them to step off into each day with the confidence of knowing that God is with them, helping and protecting them, and that He cares about all of the things that concern them.
Here are some ideas of what to pray about WITH them.
- Safety at school and getting to and from school
- Understanding of new things they are learning
- Making good decisions
- That they would make good and positive friendships
- For a good attitude
- That they would be respectful to teachers, staff, and other students
- That they would be kind
- That they would be a light for Jesus in their school
- The things that concern them – a test, a problem with a friend, etc.
And then after they leave for school, pray FOR your kids. Ask God to help you think of and pray for them throughout the day until they return home. The Bible calls it praying “without ceasing” (I Thessalonians 5:17.) I call it “praying them through their day.”
After praying for your kids, I think another way to help them through those first couple weeks is to show them a lot of grace. What do I mean by that? Well, maybe a more understandable way to say that is to cut them some slack for how they may behave during this time. Schedules and routines are much different than during the summertime. New teachers and classes, changes in friendships, new and maybe more difficult things they are learning all add up. Whether your little one is heading off to kindergarten for the first time or your teenager is facing their last year of high school before heading off to college, change can be stressful.
As adults, most of us are better at saying that we’re stressed out or overwhelmed. Kids may not be able to put those feelings into words yet. Although our children’s behavior can be frustrating, or dare I say even a little embarrassing at times, we need to see it for what it really is. Anxiety can manifest itself in a lot of different ways. So the son who continually can’t find his shoes in the morning and is habitually having to run to catch the bus may be avoiding school. The child who has a meltdown when he or she gets home probably isn’t mad at you. Most likely they’re tired or overwhelmed, nervous, or afraid.
A couple days ago I read a quote from Allison Davies, a music therapist and brain training expert. What she says makes sense when you think about it and was a good reminder to me. Maybe you’ve never thought about behaviors this way.
She says, “Children never, ever CHOOSE the meltdown, or any anxiety related behavior, in the same way that YOU would never, ever choose to have a meltdown in front of your family, colleagues or friends! A meltdown is not a choice; it’s a byproduct of a brain that isn’t coping with something. And that brain needs to be showered in love, compassion and safety. Not punishment, fear or shame.”
Taking the time to investigate how your child is really feeling will help you all get through periods of stress and help them to develop better coping skills for the future.
You don’t get very far into Scripture without seeing how God has extended His grace to each of us because of His great love for us. He is our great Example. So as this new school year begins, “Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
-Jill